Have you ever been on the fence about a big, transformational life decision?

Yeah. Me too.

I'm fascinated by the ways we choose to build our lives and how we figure out what matters to us. I'm interested because I've spent a lot of time over the last decade trying to figure that out for myself. After surviving a life-threatening health scare and after being diagnosed with a rare genetic disease, I thought that I would get super clear on how I want to spend my life. But I didn't. Turns out it's not that simple.

I'm interested in the distance between what we say matters to us and what we do to make it real. I'm interested in what we think will make us happy, and what actually does. 

I started this podcast to try to figure out what I might be missing by choosing not to become a mother. Would I regret it? Was I making a mistake? Most important: how much of me wanting to be a mother was based on social conditioning, and how much of it was actually what I wanted?

So I asked a lot of mothers what being a mother was like. Why was it held up as an identity and a rite of passage? What was unique to mothering and not parenting? I tried to understand why I believed my life wouldn’t be as meaningful or fulfilling without a child “of my own.”

Those questions opened up a whole new series of conversations around what is expected of women when it comes to having children.

That's what I want to explore on the show. I'm going to ask these questions of myself and invite guests to share their stories. 

Beyond our personal stories, we dive into broader topics around ambivalence, gender, reproductive choices, heteronormative family structures, and social expectations.

This show is a passion project. When I started there weren’t nearly as many conversations or resources out there to support folks who were ambivalent about having kids. I’m glad that I found my answers, and even though I was nervous about having these vulnerable conversations in public, I’m so grateful that I did—and immensely grateful to everyone who spoke with me on the show.

I love hearing from listeners. If this show helped you in any way and you’d like to tell me about it, you can send me an email using the form below.